Tis the season for some really terrible music. Why is it that terrible music becomes acceptable this time of year? It’s like the musical version of the ugly sweater. I just don’t get it.
Here’s my list of top five picks for terrible Christmas songs (and an honorable mention):
5. “Baby it’s cold outside.” It’s like attempted date rape put to a catchy tune. Terrible message.
4. “Christmas Shoes.” Seriously? You are going to buy shoes for your mom while she is dying? Spend time with her and forget the presents.
3. “Last Christmas.” Oy. Really has nothing to do with Christmas. This is one of those songs that gets stuck in your head and makes you want to be the mom in the Christmas Shoes song to make it end.
2. “Mary did you know?” Bad theology. Read Luke 1 to hear from Mary herself what she knew. Anything else she didn’t know was unimportant.
and the #1 most terrible Christmas song is:
“Do they know it’s Christmas?” Yes, they know. They have calendars, they had them in 1984. Not only that, but the Ethiopian Orthodox church has existed for something like 1500 year, so yes, they know. Here are some other dandy lines from this terrible song that drive me crazy – “There’ll be no snow in Africa this Christmas.” No crap, Most of Africa is in the southern hemisphere, which means it’s summer there. Summer=no snow. And the worst line of all – “Tonight be glad it’s them instead of you.” Do I even need to comment about this? AAAAHHHHH!
Here’s my honorable mention – “The 12 days of Christmas.” The only reason this song doesn’t make the official list is that it has one redeeming characteristic – it reminds the listener that Christmas is an actual season, not just one day. A whole season. And not from right after Halloween on. No, it starts on Dec. 25 and goes through Jan. 5.
So there’s my official list of terrible Christmas songs. What songs make your list of terrible Christmas music? Share them in the comment section.