I’m tired of many things. I’m tired of sin in my life. I’m tired of contradicting myself. I’m tired of conveniently ignoring things that I don’t want to deal with. I’m tired of making excuses for things that I don’t agree with but don’t have the courage to speak about. I’m tired of my own brokenness and trying to fix it.
I’m tired of hearing about children being ripped away from their families at the national border (tired because it is so wrong), but hearing silence about children being ripped away from their families at the border of birth. And vice versa. I’m tired of the violence that is committed to both the born and unborn. Violence isn’t the answer. I’m tired of my own contradictions.
I’m tired of hearing about a wall designed to separate and give a false sense of security at our border, but having silence about the wall around our hearts and minds designed to separate us from our enemies. I’m tired of myself doing the same thing.
I’m tired of hearing how LGBTQ+ people are some kind of pox on the nation or other people. I’m tired of people denying that racism exists in America today because they don’t see it or experience it first hand. I’m tired of contributing to systems and supporting systems that maintain a dehumanizing attitude towards people. I’m tired of realizing how many times I screw up and remain silent when I should speak up.
I’m tired of people claiming to be followers of Jesus while either ignoring what Jesus calls on us to do and how to be or making excuses and reasoning away why there are exceptions to certain commands of Jesus. I’m tired of myself doing this.
I’m tired of the idols of money, power, being right, and more that lay claim to our culture and our lives. I’m tired of worshiping these idols and giving them authority over my life.
I’m tired of comfortable Christianity having such a stronghold over the institutional church – finding ways to ensure that people don’t hear anything that would make them uncomfortable, would point to sin in our lives, or a call to repentance. I’m tired of accommodating this belief system in my own life.
I’m tired. The question is, now what?
Lent is a good time to examine that question. Now what? I don’t have an answer to the question today. The first step is to acknowledge where I am. During Lent I’ll be asking myself the question – Now what?