Category Archives: Humor

Covfefe is all the rage-fefe

01 Thursday Jun 2017

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Ever since POTUS came up with an alternative word – covfefe – the internet has been all abuzz with it.

It’s made it into memes, and posts, and used for humor and ridicule.  And since the POTUS never makes mistakes this obviously isn’t a mistake either.

At any rate, I kind of like the word.  I’ve been thinking about its meaning though.  We need to have a consistent meaning so that this word can make it as the word of the year for 2017.  I think it’s pretty symbolic of 2017 as a whole and is a great candidate for word of the year – the best one ever.  And just think, we didn’t need anyone to pay for it either.  Then again, maybe it’s already the best word ever tweeted.  Plus, we need a consistent way to say the word.  Maybe the POTUS can clarify for us.

At any rate, here’s my shot at what the word covfefe means.  I welcome your definitions:

Covfefe – slang for a favorite type of coffee

Covfefe – slang for a favorite covert operation

Covfefe – “cover your dog Fe Fe”

Covfefe – Tweet for “we’ve covered that, you now you have to pay two fees.”

Covfefe – Tweet for “I like the music album cover with Fe Fe on it.”

Covfefe – Tweet for “That corvette is so expensive I can’t afford all the letters.”

Covfefe – Cover all the fees, yes, even the hidden ones.

Covfefe – The sound someone getting ready to sneeze.

Covfefe – a new swear word for anyone who disagrees with POTUS.

Covfefe – the name for the super secret club that only a few people are a part of.  The tweet was telling them to come over to POTUS’s tree house for the next meeting where they will be trading super hero cards and baseball cards, and talking about that yucky girl Jenny in fourth grade.  She has some serious cooties!

Covfefe – a new translation of the Bible.  (Just think of the possibilities here.)

Here’s something else to consider – maybe covfefe is so great of a word that it has more meanings than any other word that ever existed.  Isn’t that just great!  No wonder our world has been so screwed up – we’ve been living without this incredible word for all this time.  Now that covfefe has been tweeted, there will be peace and prosperity.

Or maybe covfefe doesn’t actually exist and it’s all been a worthless distraction because some of us can’t admit a mistake and some of us can’t resist poking fun at a mistake.  Nah! That’d be so covfefe.

What do you think covfefe means?

8 things every parent should do before 8 AM

25 Tuesday Apr 2017

Posted by in Family, Humor

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I bet you are a parent who is looking at the title of this article and either thinking that you might pick up some great ideas, or more likely, that you are parent who is going to read some list of absolutely ridiculous ideas that there is no way any of them are going to happen.

Recently I read a list like this – it wasn’t designed for parents.  It was targeted to people who are either single or have no children.  No offense to the author, but seriously, the title should have been more specific than addressed to “every person.”  What parent has 30 minutes to meditate in the morning?!?

So in honor of dumb lists that have ridiculous to-do’s on them, I’m coming up with my own list of eight things every parent should do before 8 AM.  These are not some nice theoretical ideas.  This comes from having four children who get ready for the school day in two shifts (middle school and then elementary school).

  1. Hit snooze once.  You deserve to take a breath before getting into full parent mode.  The craziness will start soon enough, enjoy the last 5-10 minutes of calm while you can.  This may be the only thing that gets you through the morning.
  2. Stretch.  No, I’m not talking about some kind of exercise routine.  I’m talking about when your feet hit the floor stretch your arms out and over your head and give a big yawn.  You’ll feel better.  Trust me on this.
  3. Go pee.  The chances of getting another opportunity to use the bathroom when your kids are getting ready for school are pretty much non-existent, so get in the bathroom when you can.
  4. When you go get your kids up or make sure they are up, sing to them.  I’m not talking about a nice wake up song.  I’m talking about some really annoying song – it’s the only way to get them moving quickly in the morning.  It’s either that or you’re going to repeat yourself a million times telling them to get up.  The song sounds better already doesn’t it?
  5. Remind your children that the bus is coming soon (about 10,934,248 times)  They have a really short memory in the morning and have a tendency to forget why they are up so early.  If you don’t, they will wander aimlessly, or play with the dog, or get on a screen.  Just remember, each time you remind them they will think this is the first time they are hearing it.  Think of this like the movie “50 First Dates” where the actress forgets everything that happened the day before and has to relearn everything.  If you think of your children this way, you won’t be as frustrated and you might even come up with innovative ways to remind them.  (Songs work great here too.)
  6. Try different sales pitches on why your kids should buy lunch that day instead of having to pack their lunch.  Believe me, if you can convince a kid to buy the school lunch, you can take on anything that day.
  7. Quote a movie.  You’re bound to get some crazy questions like “Where are my pants?” What better way to deal with this than to quote The Lego Movie – “Honey where are my pants?  Ha,Ha,Ha.”  Believe me, you’ll laugh and so will your kids.  The other option is to lose it by telling them they are either in their drawers where they belong or in the laundry or lying on the floor of their room.  Laughter is so much better.
  8. Tell your kids you love them to pieces.  Seriously, there is no substitute for this.

There you have it, the eight essential things every parent should do before 8 AM.  No, these things won’t get you a promotion, give you some great million dollar idea, put you on the pathway to success and happiness, or any other BS that these dumb lists promise or promote.  But they will give you the opportunity to sanely get through the morning before you go to work and have to work with adults (some who haven’t really grown up yet).  Maybe you can find some list showing the 12 things every worker should do before 12 noon at work.  I’m sure the ideas will be just dandy.

Here’s a way to “fix” the country

15 Wednesday Mar 2017

Posted by in Humanity, Humor, Politics, Society

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Want to fix what’s wrong with the country.  I have a solution.  We just had a snow storm with at least a foot of snow.  And I think this might be the solution for “fixing” the country.  Yes – snow.  Of all the solutions for the country, I bet you never saw this coming.  I bet you were thinking about some great policy initiative, or electing some great politician or leader, or something of that nature.  Nope – snow is the answer.  Here’s why:

We live in the Mid-Atlantic region of the USA.  Monday night into Tuesday morning we were hit with a nice snow storm that dropped over a foot of snow.  Schools were closed.  Things were delayed.  And inevitably, people started to come out of their homes to start shoveling and clearing out their walkways, sidewalks, and driveways.  Neighbors help each other, greet each other, show appreciation, and stop and talk with each other.  It’s a time to catch up and meet people we haven’t had the chance to meet before.

Doesn’t sound much like a solution, does it?  Well, here’s the thing.  As I cleared out my driveway, I watched as people helped each other – people who not so long ago were divided politically between Trump and Clinton supporters.  And here they were, setting all that aside to help one another out – joyfully too.

When it comes down to it, I don’t think the problems we face in this country have much to do with policy.  Sure, policy impacts people – make no mistake about that.  But that’s not the root of the problems – that’s more of a symptom.  I think if we dig down deeper we’d see the real problem.  We have a habit of not trusting one another.  And so, we treat each other less than we should.

But throw in a snow storm and see how much people change.  We break down barriers because we have a common cause.  We express gratitude because we recognize that we can’t go it alone.  We talk with people, even people we don’t like, because we see their humanity and how much they are just like us.

No policy and no leader can bring this kind of change.  There isn’t a speech or a slogan that can do it.  Nope, just regular life mixed with nature.  Imagine that.  And yet, there are so many that think that politics is the solution.  Maybe it’s more of a problem than a solution.  Snow, now that’s the solution.

No meatballs in this room…trust me I checked

17 Tuesday Jan 2017

Posted by in Church, Humor, Theology, Travel

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The next stop in our trip around the world within the Cathedral of Learning in Pittsburgh was the Swedish room.

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Having been to Sweden, I was excited to see what they decided to do with the room.  It’s not quite what I thought of when I thought of Sweden, but it wasn’t totally off either.  Again, the detail is amazing.

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The drawings in this room are pretty neat.  I don’t remember the story behind them, but I do remember something else.

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When you look closely at the drawings, you should be able to find some “errors” in each one.  What I mean is that we were told that each of the drawings has something humorous in it – sometimes it’s very subtle, but it’s there is you know what you are looking for.

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Don’t ask me to tell you what was humorous about the angel above – I couldn’t tell you.

The lesson from this room – beauty can come with humor.  Pay attention church.  Too often we make things more difficult and serious than they need to be.  God has a sense of humor and so do most people – unless they are too busy thinking they have all the answers and they have to correct everyone else.  Those folks are a real treat to hang out with I tell ya.  Don’t be like that church – be alive, laugh, poke fun (even at yourself), tell a joke, smile.  In other words, enjoying church and the church community is a sign of life.  Embrace it.

Jesus would vote for my candidate

03 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Humor, Politics, Society, Theology

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How would Jesus vote? For my candidate of course. So there. Now that we all know that the Divine One supports my way of thinking, you all better get in line, or else.

Seriously though, how would Jesus vote in 2016 America?

That’s a fun game isn’t it? I usually see this type of post as we approach elections — this year is no different. I have read theologians make arguments as to why their preferred candidate is the morally superior choice.

I hear arguments that state that Jesus would vote for the Democrat because that party has supposedly cared for the poor through their policies and Jesus had a special place in his heart for the poor. He preached about people doing things for the poor. Democrats are typically opposed to the death penalty — Jesus would be too. Yes, Jesus would be a good liberal Democrat.

Then I hear arguments that state that Jesus would vote for the Republican because that party is opposed to abortion and Jesus would be against abortion because abortion is killing an innocent person. Republicans are for “family values” — however you want to define that murky term. Clearly Jesus would be for love of family over government any day right? Yes, Jesus would be a good conservative Republican.

Oy vey! Enough already. Stop trying to make Jesus something that he never was — An American in the 21st century. He was a Middle Eastern poor guy (and yes, still the Son of God) that never had the opportunity to vote and wouldn’t have understood the concept. His entire life was lived in a region that was under occupation by a ruthless empire. No one in that region had a concept of rights as we understand them, had a say in who was to rule over them, or had any legal way to express their opinions directly about the rulers of the times (unless they didn’t mind being killed for expressing their displeasure).

So can we stop kidding ourselves into believing that Jesus would vote for either a Democrat or Republican.

If anything, Jesus would look at government with suspicion. Government in Jesus’ time was oppressive — pay your taxes or else suffer the consequences. Stay out-of-the-way of the soldiers or suffer the consequences. Careful what you say about those in charge or suffer the consequences. Remember Jesus was crucified by the Roman empire as a threat to their stability — a political execution.

There was no welfare state for the masses — government was not about serving their needs. Government existed for the benefit of the emperor. It existed to keep order. It existed as an efficient means of collecting taxes.

Jesus spent a great deal of time preaching an alternative government — the Kingdom of God. Whereas the Roman empire and its government was based on worship of the emperor and war and strength, the Kingdom of God was based on the worship of God and peace. The Roman empire and its government was interested in obtaining and keeping power, while the Kingdom of God was interested in empowering the powerless.

How would Jesus vote? No one has any idea what so ever. And you are kidding yourself if you think you do. I have a feeling though that Jesus wouldn’t be voting — ever. He’d be more concerned with implementing the Kingdom of God in place of all human governments — including the US government. He’d be more concerned with preaching a message of peace, mercy, forgiveness, and helping the poor — not worrying about what government policies were in place. Because government policies are concerned with one thing — the physical nature of poverty. Jesus would go beyond that, recognizing something government never would — the spiritual poverty that exists.

I have a feeling he’d be more concerned with changing and replacing the culture of consumerism and the enthrallment with violence that we are stuck on — we have made these into our idols. Just question either one and see what I mean — “why aren’t you buying this or that? What do you mean you don’t think we should kill our enemies?”

How would Jesus vote? I’m guessing that he wouldn’t. He’d do the same thing he did with parables. He’d be offered two options by someone trying to trap him and he would propose an alternative that was completely different. Choosing between the two options would be endorsing a broken system that he never bought in to. I’m guessing that’s what Jesus would do. And just like the Pharisees who wanted Jesus to endorse their view of the world and were sorely disappointed and then angry at him, I have a feeling there would be a lot of Democrats and Republicans would be just as disappointed and maybe even extremely angry that Jesus not only dismissed their party loyalties, but would want to change the governing structure of the nation completely. I have a feeling he wouldn’t be invited to their party conventions, not even to offer the prayer. What a party pooper!

An open letter to people who write open letters and to people who only comment with the word “This.”

27 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by in Humanity, Humor, Politics

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Dear people who write these things,

The rest of us have something to get off our chests.  We’re going to be really honest here because other than doing these two things, we really like you as a person.  No, really we do.  We’re even friends.  So take this letter as a piece of friendly love and concern for you and for our friendship.

Stop it.  It’s annoying.

We all know that the letter isn’t to the person you claim it is to.  It’s to us – it’s for everyone else to read – as if we’re supposed to read it because it now has Open Letter in the title.

The ‘open letter’ thing is a nice little fad right now that everyone seems to be jumping on board with.  Please jump off of it.  That’d be great.  Adding those two words does not really change anything about what you were going to say.  It doesn’t make you smarter or more refined.  The person it’s addressed to is still not going to read what you wrote just because you addressed it to them and then posted it on a social media website.  They just aren’t.  They’re probably too busy.  So stop fooling yourself into thinking that you are writing this letter to the person and allowing everyone else to have a peek.  It’s not cute anymore.  It’s annoying.

And to the people you only type “This” when they post a link to an article or opinion piece – stop.  Please.  “This” is not a statement.  “This” ends up looking like shorthand for “See I found something that proves I’m right and everyone who disagrees with me is wrong or worse, only I don’t want to say that outright.  I’m too busy trying to compose an Open Letter to someone and don’t have time to flesh out what ‘This’ actually means.”  How about we be more honest – try being more creative.  How about posting something like “See I told you so,” or “Na, na, na, boo, boo,” or using an emoji to express how right you are.

For the love of all things holy, please stop!  Please.  We’re begging.  Don’t make us come up with a new fad to distract you with so that you start doing that instead.

Thank you for letting us get this off our chests.

Sincerely,

Everyone else

The Super Bowl and the conventions

26 Tuesday Jul 2016

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political football

Last week and this week are like the Super Bowl for politics and politicians – it’s the political party conventions here in the US.  There are like the Super Bowl in so many ways.  People watch the Super Bowl for the ads.  In the conventions, the speeches are the ads.  How else to explain all the wonderful words that will be spewed in favor of the nominee who the speaker hopes to get a job from in their administration.

The Super Bowl has a ton of analysis and speculation of what plays will be made and who will start and who will play the whole game and yada-yada-yada.  The conventions are filled with journalists and party hacks and spin doctors doing the same thing.  In politics the speculation is about what the speakers will say, who’s talked about for what position in the potential administration, yada-yada-yada.

The Super Bowl has a lot of glitz and glitter – There is plenty of trash to clean up from conventions too.  Sometimes the trash comes in the form of some of the speeches at conventions.  You know, clean up from a poor or dull speech, or when there are issues with a speech.  Oh, I don’t know, maybe something like plagiarism – but that’s just a crazy example.  Who would do such a thing?

The Super Bowl usually ends up being predictable.  You know who is going to be nominated at the conventions.

The Super Bowl features the two teams who were able to pull off wins during the playoffs – not necessarily the best or the strongest teams.  The convention features candidates who did the same thing during the primaries.

The Super Bowl is watched by a lot of people who don’t care about the teams playing, they do it because, well, because…everyone else is watching and I guess you are supposed to.  Oh yeah, it’s “fun” watching teams you don’t care about play in the year’s biggest game – wishing your team was there and saying to your friends: yeah, well, there’s always next year.  Lots of fun.  Or, maybe it’s the social aspect of getting together with people, some of them die hard fans who would support the team even if Satan were the quarterback.  It gives you an excuse to drink in public, pretend you care about the game, but in fact you’re really just there to eat all the food other people brought.

The conventions…oh hell, there’s the same thing.  Be honest.

I usually watch the Super Bowl – although not always.  Sometime I even have a team to cheer for.  I used to be a fan of NFL football.  I even had a team that I cheered for.  I was passionate about the team. I stuck with them through thick and thin.  But then I saw past all of that and saw the reality – the NFL is a money making machine that doesn’t have a lot of concern for the players and really only cares about them and the fans so far as they can make a buck (or millions) from them.  The NFL is a non-profit, yet is extremely profitable.

I used to watch the conventions.  I even had a party that I cheered for.  I was loyal to the party – worked my butt off for the party and the candidates.  I was passionate about the party.  I stuck with them through thick and thin.  But then I opened my eyes and acknowledged reality – the political parties are power grabbing and power maintenance machines that don’t have a lot of concern for the people of the country and really only care about them so far as they can get a vote or donation from them.

Yet, like the Super Bowl, you have die hards:  People who drink the cool-aid.  They will rationalize away all the negatives and insanity.  They do it in the name of being right.  Because being right is important for humans.  Being right means that someone else is wrong. And we all know that in the US, there are only these two options.  So we set up systems that allow us to think we are right and the other side is wrong.  And we sit by happily in our rightness.  We use language that softens what we really think or what we want to do, or what we do to our opponents and enemies.  We talk about defeating our opponents and/or enemies.  That’s so quaint isn’t it?  It’s like we’re playing a game.

The problem though is, this isn’t a game.  This is life and there are consequences.

Being right isn’t just about having the facts on your side.  It’s an attitude I’m talking about here.  It’s a you’d-better-get-on-board-or-else attitude.  An attitude of egotism.  And attitude of I’m-right-and-you’re-wrong-you-idiot.

Being right, being really committed to a specific set of beliefs, to the point of not questioning them and seeing anyone who does as the enemy, has some real consequences.  When being right aligns with political party or politician, that can start to be dangerous.  When being right takes priority over governing and leading all people – even those you disagree with – the results are devastating.

Being right has brought more death, destruction, and lives ruined than anything else. Being right in the name of God, country, party, demagogue, politician, ideology, patriotism, etc. ends up being wrong in history.  It doesn’t matter how right you were in terms of facts when your concern with being right leads to destruction and death.  If your ideas and beliefs about what is right can’t stand on their own, can’t handle questions and criticisms, but requires force and compliance – then they are weak and ultimately wrong.

 

Let’s be and live rightly instead.  Living rightly doesn’t force itself onto anyone.  Lives are changed when that happens – yours and those that you touch.  Living rightly doesn’t require force or compliance.  Living rightly leaves you open to others and their beliefs about the world.  Living rightly has it’s foundation in belief, but it’s a different belief.  It’s a belief that claims to know the truth – or at least a part of it, but is open to questioning and doubt and examination.  And leaves you open to the possibility that you are wrong.  Living rightly is based in humility and accepting the idea that we don’t know everything.  Living rightly is based on the idea that we are called to be Christ-like – not believe that we are all-knowing.

So, watch the Super Bowl and the conventions if you want to.  Just be careful of what you drink.  Don’t drink the cool-aid.  It’ll make you sick.

Short Term Service Trips

11 Monday Jan 2016

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Now that the new year is upon us, some of you might have some kind of resolution to go and do something good for some poor people somewhere in the world.  You’re probably young and idealistic and ready to take on the world. What better way than a short term service trip to get you started right?

Wrong.  Well, maybe.

Good intentions.  However, you have to be really careful about these trips.

According to the author of this article on “7 reasons why your two week trip to Haiti doesn’t matter,”

…these types of trips often exploit the people and communities they pretend to help. Worse, these short-term service self-fulfillment trips can end up doing more harm than good.

She calls these trips “voluntourism.”  In other words, people are going to get an experience and if other people actually get helped in the process, great.

If you are seriously planning on doing one of these trips, please read the article.  The author makes seven great points and offers some alternatives.  And she points to an awesome spoof on these relief efforts – Radi-Aid: Africans for Norway.  Instead of telling you more about it, here’s the video.

 

Here’s a few things you need to know.  I’ve worked for a non-profit before.  We had groups that wanted to come in for a week to do service work.  Often we had to put aside the work we were doing in order to accommodate these groups.  The groups ended up being more work than they were worth often.  We usually had to create jobs that we would have never done before.  You’d think having a large group would be a blessing to a non-profit.  Sometimes it was, but often it wasn’t.  For most non-profits, they have plenty of small jobs that need to be done – things for 1 or two people to work on at a time.  But there are relatively few jobs that require a large group of people to work on.  And these jobs require a great deal of planning and time away from the immediate needs being addressed.

Here’s the lesson.  If you want to take a service trip contact the organization you are going to work with and find out what they really need done.  Find out what skills would be really helpful.  Find out what kind of lasting impact will take place, if any at all.  Do some research.

If you want to travel and see the world, then do that.  I’m with you on that.  But don’t fool yourself into believing that you can do both effectively.

Quick, everybody panic!!!!

07 Monday Dec 2015

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I have found the reaction of people to recent events both interesting and disturbing at the same time.

Individuals have been inspirational while crowd have been doing what crowds always do.

Individuals end up doing heroic things often in critical situations.  Crowds tend to panic.  The herd mentality takes over causing all rationality and thinking to cease, at least for some time.

A crowd can be either all together in one physical location – we see crowds at rallies and protests.  But I think crowds can be in one location in different ways as well. I have a theory that a crowd can exist digitally.  When I read and see posts on Facebook to recent events, often what I observe is people taking on the herd mentality.  People start posting simplistic themes and posts or memes based on fear or anger.  Simplistic solutions show up.  Scapegoating and blaming are unleashed like a pack of rapid dogs.  When people see others doing this, it appears to us that this is the norm and our thinking turns off.  We don’t question what the posts are trying to convey because they often reinforce preconceived ideas, but in a more simplistic way.

I’m listening to an audio book by Malcolm Gladwell – “What the dog saw.”  It’s a compilation of many stories that Gladwell has written over the years.  In the one story, he talks about the idea of choking – someone losing a lead in sports because they “choked,” and lost.  He contrasts this with panic.  He defines choking as a person thinking too much about something – reverting back to amateur status when an athlete has to think through ever step of what ever it is they are doing.  They aren’t professional anymore, they act like they are just beginning again.  Panic on the other hand is when our thinking turns off.  Survival becomes our entire focus.  We will do things that potentially harm others if it means we have a better chance at survival.

What I observe from the reactions of people to recent events is a bit of digital panic.  And I wonder, does this have to be?  Where are the people who are calling us to come out of panic and to start thinking.  Where are the people who help us rise to our better selves?  Where are the people who break our gaze from the blinders that focus on self-preservation to things much more long term?

I didn’t watch President Obama’s speech so I really can’t comment on it.  I’ve read one commentator’s remarks about his speech – he said that it reminded him of President Carter.  If that’s true, that’s not hopeful in anyway.

I pray for our leaders that God grant them the wisdom to speak words of calm to a panicked crowd.

The Great Skansen Animal Pun Post

10 Thursday Sep 2015

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Sometimes you have to take the things that are present and just have a little fun with them.  In this case, I’m posting pictures of animals from our visit to Skansen.  I welcome your own puns – please feel free to add them in the comment section.

Animal punsHey look, it’s a member of Duran Duran.  He looks like he’s Hungry Like the Wolf.

Animal punsHow can we bear these conditions?

Animal punsYou’re all supposed to be standing up!  Get up!

Animal punsCan you tell me how to get to the cows?

Animal puns“sigh” Christmas is how many months away?  This vacation seems longer than I thought.