Tag Archives: anxiety

Scapegoating still happens

02 Friday Mar 2018

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Scapegoating is taking the sins of a community and placing them on something or someone and driving that person or thing out of the community.

It’s roots go back to ancient religious practice.

But it is still practiced regularly today.

Scapegoating is used because the community needs to relieve itself of its guilt and sin.  It needs someone or something that it can place all the blame and sin into and onto.  It needs the attention and pressure that is on the community to go somewhere else.  It needs to move the guilt and sin to someone else – someone or something that can be classified as “bad.”

The benefit for the community is that it gets to wash its hand clean from the blame and sin from within.  The most famous example of this is Pontus Pilate washing his hands over the soon to happen crucifixion of Jesus.  Scapegoating means that the community can fool itself into believing that it is not guilty, that it is sinless, and not blameworthy.

Never mind that the object or person being scapegoated is ruined – that’s the point.  Someone or something has to suffer the consequences of the sin.  Someone or something needs to feel the wrath and the community is protecting itself from that.  That isn’t innocent blood anyway – its guilty blood.  Never mind the ripple effect either.  Never mind that people’s lives are ruined.  What is most important is that the community feels better about itself, that it did something, and looked good doing it.

Scapegoating especially happens during highly stressful situations and around highly stressful and difficult “topics” – such as race, sexuality, nationality, poverty, wealth, education, and more.

There are many problems with scapegoating.  The biggest problem is the belief that the community is innocent.  It isn’t.  The people in such a community have skeletons in their closet – things they would rather not talk about or deal with.  It’s too painful for them.  They may be required to acknowledge their own guilt – to consider the blood that is on their own hands because of policies or politicians they supported and the consequences of their policies, allegiances and loyalties they have.  While we may not agree with the policies we are governed by, and in fact we may be very opposed to them, how complicit are we?  How much responsibility do we bear if we continue to swear allegiance and swear our loyalty?  How innocent are we?

The other problem with scapegoating is that it isn’t permanent.  It is only a temporary relief of anxiety and stress.  Our guilt and sin will haunt us again because we have not really dealt with them.  It will rear its ugly head at the most inopportune time.  And we will have to seek out another scapegoat.  It’s easier than examining ourselves and seeing how we are to blame ourselves or make these systems possible or continue to prop them up by the way we live.  It’s easier to relieve the pressure than it is to be honest with ourselves, to repent and seek forgiveness, and make real changes.  It’s easier to kill the scapegoat than to deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow God.

Rest in peace scapegoat.  You won’t be lonely for long.  There will be others who will join you.  Just know that you will continue to serve a deeper purpose – to be a painful reminder of the sin of the community.  One that is unresolved.

Narcissism

19 Tuesday Dec 2017

Posted by in Humanity, Organizational theory, Society

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I just finished a book titled “Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times” by Peter Steinke.  I recommend this book – it was a good read.  The book was published in 2006, which got me thinking about the fact that our society has been pretty anxious for some time now.  Much of the book applies today – especially regarding an anxious society and leadership.

The last chapter dealt mostly with narcissism – both dealing with leaders who are narcissists and with congregation members that are closet narcissists.  Fascinating stuff.  But as I was reading it, I couldn’t help drawing parallels beyond the congregational context.  It’s hard not to.  When I read sections in this chapter, my mind kept going to specific figures and names in society – “leaders” as they are often referred to.  But these leaders aren’t leading, they are often making matters worse and raising anxiety levels.  And their followers are sucked right in.  That’s what narcissists do – make people rely on them and feed off of them.  That’s not what leaders do though.

Here’s a few segments from the last chapter of the book. Enjoy.  Or maybe cry.  Either way, it’s worth being aware of these things.

  • The person feels entitled to special consideration and is self-important (often exhibitionistic or dramatic to prove it). (pg. 166)
  • The person is capable of seeing only her perspective, is intolerant of disagreement, doesn’t discuss ideas but imposes them, is single-minded, believes in her own superior wisdom, and doesn’t need help from others. (Pg. 166)
  • The person is ruthless toward those who do not reflect back his projected image of specialness.  He is vindictive, vengeful, devaluing, and abrasive.  He publicly humiliates others and wants others to be wholehearted supporters (“yes” people). (pg. 166)
  • The person is prone to lying and is an expert as disguise. (pg. 167)
  • The narcissist is not as certain as he or she looks, as evidenced by his or her supersensitivity to criticism. (pg. 168)
  • The narcissist is a master at denying reality, projecting an image of invincibility or charisma and coercing the world to refuel his specialness.  There is no transparency in narcissistic functioning.  It’s all varnish and veneer – with lots of charm. (pg. 168)
  • So one person remains intoxicated with all the praise and adulation he manipulates from others, and the others are enthralled to be associated with someone larger than life. (pg. 168)
  • The narcissist functions like a magnet, possessing the power of attraction. People caught in the spell surrender obediently.  Under the spell of enchantment, they become dedicated followers as impervious to reason and truth as infatuated lovers. Many of the disciples of narcissists are vulnerable, lonely, and searching souls who mistake the charm, self-confidence, and certainty for substance, when in reality it is pretentious fluff and feathers. (Pg. 168-9)
  • Not surprisingly, many narcissistic leaders shield their swooning constituency from outside influence. (pg. 169)
  • Many staff, over a period of time, begin to see through the empty praise and the false facade of concern for supporters.  They realize that they are valued only insofar as they reinforce the narcissist’s own glory. They are mere suppliers.  But staff members need to be careful not to expose the sham. (Pg. 170)
  • The charmer is often involved in sexual misconduct, misuse of funds, or in setting oppositional groups. The charmed can be so blinded by the charmer that they defend the narcissistic behavior, even encourage it.  They cannot face the truth of the damage wrought by the spellbinder. (Pg. 171)
  • Nonetheless, the charmer brings havoc to relationships. Others who know and see it are ineffective  in dealing with the “charmer/charmed” problem if they think being nice or expressing goodwill will change things. The game is domination for the narcissist, not cooperation.  A person functioning in a narcissistic way must be held accountable for his behaviors. (Pg. 175)

 

Leadership

04 Monday Dec 2017

Posted by in Church, Politics, Society

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At the end of last week I started reading Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times by Peter Steinke.  It was published in 2006 but really could have been published in the last year or two because everything I’m reading applies today in so many places.

Here’s a segment from Part 2:

After reviewing more than one hundred reports I had prepared for troubled congregations, five recurring issues emerged: 1. high anxiety; 2. systemic impasse (two parties polarized); 3. lack of a clear sense of mission (even if a mission statement was in place, it did not inform their action, and most people were unaware of it); 4. poor boundaries (including gossip, allowing hearsay to represent fact, intimidation of others, misuse of funds, voting irregularity, not confronting questionable behavior, indiscriminate firing of staff); 5. and avoidance of problems.  Whether congregations turned things around or addressed their situation depended on the response of the congregational leadership.

(page 47, Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times)

This paragraph is true not just for congregations, but all organizations.  And I would argue for nations as well.  Our current political leadership fails miserably in all five of these areas that Steinke has identified.  Instead of lowering anxiety, those in leadership positions seem hell-bent on increasing anxiety – as if leadership were only about drawing attention to oneself and the best way to do that is to do and say controversial things.  That’s not leadership, it’s rather narcissistic instead.

Unfortunately, there are many churches that live the same way.  I recently heard a story of a pastor who felt like the congregation walked on egg shells any time a controversial topic was brought up.  That’s a real shame.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  Leadership means addressing the problem that no one wants to talk about and doing it in a way that is honest and lowers anxiety.  It doesn’t mean the leader has all the answers.  It means that the leader will walk with people together as they address the problem at hand.  They will not abandon the people.  This takes some courage.

Leadership isn’t about drawing attention to oneself.  It’s about moving the organization forward in its purpose and mission.  It’s about walking with people and encouraging people along the way.  It’s about being a non-anxious presence so that safe place is established in order to take risks.  It’s about truly caring about the people you are entrusted to lead.  It’s about creating an environment where people are empowered to move the organization forward.  Leadership is about all of this and more.  But it certainly isn’t about raising anxiety level.  We have enough anxiety in our world.  We don’t need so-called leaders to add more anxiety.  Those leaders should get out-of-the-way so they don’t cause more harm.

How to deal with an anxious society

15 Friday Sep 2017

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News flash…if you live in the US, you live in an anxiety-ridden society.

Our 24 hour news cycle contributes to this in many ways.

Our so-called political leadership contributes to this in many ways.

Our addictions to work, sports, sex, entertainment, drugs, etc all contribute to this in many ways.

Our never-ending fascination with being right certainly contributes to this in many ways.

Being constantly plugged in and on notification contributes to this in many ways.

But…

It doesn’t have to be this way.  It wasn’t always this way.

This isn’t an argument for rolling back the clock or the calendar. That isn’t a realistic solution – it only creates more anxiety because we end up measuring where we are with where we were and we’ll never get back there.

There are plenty of articles that tell us how to life hack this and that.  I don’t think they help either.

I don’t think there is more to do to end the anxiety.  I also don’t think it’s about less.  That’s focusing on the wrong thing – activity.  I think dealing with an anxious society is different.

It’s about attitude.  It’s about leadership.  It’s about focus.  It’s about communication.

All of these things are intangibles.  You can’t really measure them.  They aren’t activities.  They are ways of being and living.  They cause activity to be done in a certain way.  They have an impact on the people around us.

It’s also not about eliminating anxiety.  If that is the focus, then it’s the wrong focus.  Instead, it’s about creating an environment where people can thrive.  When that is the focus, there is no room for anxiety.  It isn’t a possibility and we aren’t fighting against it.  Instead we are moving towards something else – something much better.

You don’t get to a thriving society by battling and fighting anxiety in people and systems.  You get there by creating an environment where people can thrive.

You don’t get to a thriving society by putting anxious people in leadership positions – people who thrive on drama and attention and conflict.  That’s a recipe for disaster.

You get there when those in leadership empower those under their leadership to improve their lives – not alone and by themselves – but with others, together.  It’s not about competing to the top.  It’s about getting more people on board to move in the same direction – towards thriving.

That’s how you change an anxious society into something more life-giving.

 

Staying calm in anxious times

27 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by in Humanity, Society

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How important is it to stay calm in the midst of anxiety?  Pretty important, especially if you have any type of leadership role.  If you do, then you have an added responsibility – don’t add to the anxiety.

Sometimes though, it’s also important to create an anxiety situation.  When?  When things are a bit too structured and control – when there is no willingness to be open to how God is at work and how we the people of the church are standing in the way.

Overall, leaders in the church have a responsibility to create a calm environment, but not a dull environment.  There is a difference.  A calm environment can move forward, can carry out the mission.  Anxiety usually sucks all the energy and bottles up the resources of a congregation because there is a fear of loss.

In the US we are surrounded by a culture and society that is controlled by fear and anxiety.  Questions that have no answers abound.  People express fears about foreigners, financial situations, broken relationships, jobs and careers, sex, safety, and more.  Creating a calm environment doesn’t me that a person has all the answers.  Mostly, you never will.  That’s not the point.  A calm environment is somewhere where the questions and fears and anxieties can be raised without shame, without attack, without fear of reprisal or dismissal.

We can listen, without making the anxiety our own.  We can listen without letting fear take us over.  We can listen without even agreeing.  Often, listening is what is needed – a person who is expressing a fear or anxiety needs someone to listen and hear them and their concern – to acknowledge the legitimacy of their concern and themselves.

Noise

16 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by in Politics, Theology

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America is a culture of noise.  Noise and anxiety.  So often we pump the noise and anxiety willingly into our lives.  We keep within reach, like a blanket.  I half wonder if we think we would be bored without the noise and anxiety.

We see it in our politics.  There is an issue that “needs” to be addressed right now – an emergency we are told.  The president does something – it gets covered breathlessly and commented on, and criticized.  The president reacts breathlessly to his opponents, goes on Twitter and it gets covered breathlessly. And the cycle continues.

We’re out of breath.  No wonder it feels like we are suffocating.  We are. We don’t seem to realize that we need to breathe.  It’s almost like we are hyperventilating and we don’t know how to stop.

But if we wait for someone else to stop, to be silent, to breathe, we will be waiting forever.

Today I encourage you to stop, to be silent, to breathe.  I encourage you to pray.  If you can’t bring yourself to pray for your enemies and opponents, then I would encourage you to pray for your family, your friends, your religious leaders.  Pray for you coworkers, your boss.  Pray for yourself.

Even better, pray with someone else.  Then live out the prayer.