Tag Archives: death

Before the next Las Vegas

03 Tuesday Oct 2017

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Before the next Las Vegas happens, and it will, can we be honest with each other for just a moment or possibly longer?

I’m going to take that as a yes.

I’m sickened by these shootings.  I’m also sickened by all the distractions that we pay attention to and claim are important, but really aren’t.  Are you?

I’m tired of responding.  If all we ever do is respond, we’ll never lead and offer an alternative.  We’ll be too busy responding to each violent action that happens.  And it will never change.

I refuse to be afraid.  Afraid of death, afraid of ridicule, afraid of having someone being upset with me over something I say or write.

This is the time for the church to be church.  To stop being a social club and to start living out the mission that Jesus sent us out on.

The culture has stopped giving preference to the church.  And that’s a good thing as far as I’m concerned.  We don’t end up with cheap membership that way – a whole bunch of people who come to church, but refuse to be church.

What does it mean to be church, especially in the age of mass shootings and terror?  It means that we tell the truth – that many humans are violent and destructive when left to their own device.  It means we offer confession and forgiveness.  We can’t shy away from sin.  It is real, just like evil.  Sin is a broken relationship, or rather many broken relationships.  And these breaks aren’t just metaphorical – they are real.  They rear their ugly head in yelling and screaming, in abuse, in violence, in manipulation, in addiction, and in death.  These are very real in our society and in the world.

To be church doesn’t mean we go around pointing the finger of blame.  It means that we offer the gift of forgiveness and a changing life and world.

Being church doesn’t mean we focus our effort on making the bad good, but rather on showing how Jesus brings the dead to life.  If Jesus is just a nice guy who had nice things to say, then he’s no different from any other guru who walked the face of the earth and hawks a book on self-help.  But that’s not who Jesus is and it’s not who the church worships.

The church is a beacon of light in the midst of darkness.  The church offers a message of hope in a hopeless world that would rather point the finger of blame, throw money or legislation at the problem as the sole solution, and then distract people from the pain they are experiencing.  There’s another Tweet or celebrity break up or sporting event to talk about don’t you know.

Here’s something else – the church exists to point out the reality of pain and suffering, not change the subject.  Forcing us to deal with the pain and suffering and death is a gift that this society doesn’t appreciate, but people desperately need.

We see this in every funeral.  As a pastor, part of what I am called to do is point out the reality of death in our midst.  The body is right there in front of us – either in a coffin or in an urn.  The person hasn’t been whisked away to a magical place.  No, they are right there in front of us.  Death is real.  It’s painful for those who are looking at it in the face.  It sucks.  And we shouldn’t distract ourselves from that either.  We should look at death in the face and be uncomfortable by it.

Because it is in being really uncomfortable that we finally let the walls that protect us from reality down – the walls we build around our hearts and ears.  We are finally ready to hear that death is there and that at some point death is coming for us and will get us.  It’s at this point that we can admit that death scares many of us.  It feels so final.

It’s when we are most uncomfortable, most hurting, most suffering in life that we know the reality of death.  And that’s not the end of the story.  God is the end of the story.  God’s promise of resurrection is the rest of the story.  The amazing power of God isn’t the miracles we experience throughout our lives – although they are amazing.  No, rather, I argue that the most amazing thing is resurrection – bringing the dead back to life.  Not just picking up where we left off, but rather in a renewed life where death will be no more because death does not have the final say.

The church has a message that is truly transformative – that an encounter with Jesus changes lives.  That an encounter with Jesus means the dead will be brought to life.  That an encounter with Jesus means that the status quo isn’t satisfactory any more – Jesus presents an alternative.

Church, now is the time, if ever there was a time, for us to be church.  To claim the mantle of sinner and saint.  To live lives of confession and forgiveness.  To proclaim the reality around us and the alternative that God is unfolding before us.  To do all this in the midst of the chaos of sin and death.

God is changing our lives as we speak.  Are we going to respond in doubt because we can’t see it and so we don’t live out this faith that is given to us because we just aren’t sure?  Are we going to respond in doubt because God isn’t doing it the way we would prefer and because God is messing up our comfortable lives?  Or are we going to respond in trust, not knowing what the path forward will look like, but knowing full well that God’s unfolding reality is far better than the alternative that this world offers?

Are we going to respond by trying to be safe?  Or are we going to risk it all?  The safe choice leads to more of the same.  It leads to certain death.  The risky response means we recognize we aren’t in control.  That God has a mission for us.  And that it is costly.  We’ll experience death – death of control, death of certainty, death of egotism, death of safety, death of more.  But in those deaths, Jesus will bring new life – life so much better than anything we try to hold onto.  Life in the Spirit, life in love, life in community, life in forgiveness, life in mercy, life in grace, life in care, life in peace.  Life.

God promised life.  God invites us to participate in that life.  How will you respond?

Death

06 Wednesday Sep 2017

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It’s a subject most people don’t like to talk about.  We live in a culture that has a difficult time even saying the word.  We’d rather avoid it and say “passed away” or “fell asleep.”  Yet, it is the one thing in life we’ll all face.

Death is inevitable.  Yet, we don’t know the day or the time.

Our culture has a weird relationship with death.  When we see death in entertainment, we don’t shudder or fear it.  Is that because in entertainment, we know it is fake?  The actor will just get up and go on with life?  I wonder what kind of effect this has on how we deal with death.  Does it cheapen death or push the reality of death even farther away from us?

Yet death is inevitable.

But it doesn’t have the final say.  God has made sure of that and made a promise to us that death does not have the final say.

On Sunday I spoke about why we say the creed.  There are many reasons to say the creed in worship, but I focused on one reason.  During a funeral, you have a body – a dead body or the ashes of a dead body present.  Death is there – very present.  The people who show up to pay their respects have to deal with death.  There is no escape, there is no way to distract from the reality of death.  And it is at this very moment when the promises of the creed become very relevant – the promise of the resurrection of the body and life everlasting.  We say the creed in church in preparation for times when it might be difficult to belief what we claim.  Yet, the promise is there.

Death is inevitable, but the promise of God is sacred.  And God doesn’t ever fall back on God’s word.  That is a certainty.

We may not know the time or the means, but we have the promise.  The promise that we will not be forgotten.  The promise that death will not have the final say.  The promise that God will resurrect and restore life and all of creation.  The promise that God wins.

 

We are so removed from violence

18 Tuesday Apr 2017

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So for Holy Thursday, last week, I made a last minute decision to add in a specific prayer of intercession for the victims of violence, terror, and war.  I came across a website (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_terrorist_incidents_in_April_2017) which lists terrorist incidents in the world.  It lists them by day, with the number of victims, and the location.  If you want, you can go to the bottom of the page and see incidents for a specific year or month.

During the prayers, I only read off the locations for incidents that happened between Palm Sunday and Holy Thursday.  There were 25 incidents in those 5 days.  25.  Let that sink in for a moment.

In the US we are so far removed from violence and terrorism.  Yes, there are incidents here and there, but they are pretty rare compared to places like Iraq, Somalia, and Afghanistan which seems to dominate the list.

25 incidents across the world.  And that’s just related to terrorism.  That’s not counting war or war-acts, like when we bombed “militants” in Syria and killed 36 militants.  Or other wars – either declared or happening anyway.

And that’s not counting other acts of violence that happen in the world each day.  Violence against women and children, violence in the form of crime, violence because of gangs.  Those are traditionally thought of as violence.  Some would throw in violence against nature in that mix along with violence against animals.  There’s plenty of that to go around as well.

Death and destruction seem to have a hold on the planet and humanity in particular.

Yet here we are post-Easter.  We are told that Jesus has conquered death.  But sometimes it’s hard to believe it when we see violent acts continuing.  Sometimes even in God’s name.

But Jesus never said there would be no more death or violence.  Just that death has been conquered.  That means that death does not have the final say.  Death is not the end of the story.  Ultimately, God has the final say.  And while we may not like the fact that violence continues to stubbornly exist along with death, we have been promised that these things will come to an end.  It’s just not on our time.  It’s a reminder that time didn’t start when we were born and it doesn’t end when we die.  God looks at time far different than we do.

For the month of April, 2017, there have been 78 incidents as of this writing.  There were too many dead and injured to count up.  Death keeps rearing it’s head – in the name of God, in the name of country, in the name of ideology, in the name of theology, in the name of whatever.  Yet, regardless of whose name it happens, or rather it is claimed in, we should remember this – just because something is claimed in the name of God or country, doesn’t mean God or the country agrees with it.  I imagine God is looking upon humanity and saying – “here we go again…When will they ever learn…I don’t desire conformity of belief, but rather love.”  And God will continue to live out that love in creation.

Good Friday

14 Friday Apr 2017

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All week-long we’ve been looking at Holy Week.  And today is the day that so many people just don’t know what to do with.

Good Friday.  The day that Jesus was crucified.  Yet it’s good.  It’s a mix of a day.  A day of sadness and ultimate joy for Christians.  It’s a day that has been used in anti-Semitic ways too.  It’s a day that some Christians would rather skip.  Easter is so much happier – there’s an Easter bunny don’t you know.  He hands out chocolate – he’s like Spring’s version of Santa.

But you can’t get to Easter without going through Good Friday.  You don’t get to new life until there is death.  Something has to die in order for there to be new life.  What about Babies, you say.  Well, sitting inside the mother’s womb has to end in order to the baby to be born into the world.  Imagine how frightening that must be – your whole world, everything you’ve ever known – all of a sudden it’s ending.  You don’t know what is on the other side.

Death leads to life in nature.  When a tree dies and falls, fungus starts to grow on it eventually.  Bugs make it their home.  Animals seek protection in the hollow of the trunk.

Death leads to life – and it is good.  In the creation story we hear about how God creates out of nothing – the nothingness ends and creation comes into being.  In other versions of the story, God creates out of the chaos.  The chaos ends and order and life begin.

Death and life go hand-in-hand.  Yet, we don’t like to think about death.  Too often we think that death is the end, a permanent end.  Yet, we Christians know this is not the case.  Death doesn’t have the final say, it is not the final end.  We have been promised new life.  Death leads to life.  In the end that life will not look the same, but it will be life.  Death is not the end, it the end of the old, and the beginning of the new.

Good Friday is good because death no longer has the final say – that way died.  New life begins.

 

Holy Week Wednesday

12 Wednesday Apr 2017

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We don’t hear much about what happened on the Wednesday of Holy Week.  We hear that Judas makes a deal with the chief priest to hand over Jesus and then looks for an opportunity to carry out the plan.

Often, most Christians will think of betrayal.  That’s the way it is translated in English in many biblical translations.  Here’s the problem – that’s not the best translation of the Greek.  (A sidebar – This is also a good reason why literal interpretation of an English translation is highly faulty) The Greek word used for this is παραδιδομι (pronounced paradidomi).  It means to hand over and it can also be translated as betrayal.  I’m going to be jumping ahead to Friday here, but I think understanding what’s happening on Wednesday makes a bigger impact to understanding what happens on Friday.

Many of our English translations translate this word as “betrayal” when it is used in regards to Judas, but then the translations change.  They translate the term to “hand over” when it relates to the chief priests, Pilate, and the Roman soldiers.  So why betrayal for Judas, but not for everyone else?

Maybe we humans want there to a human bad guy to start the chain and so we cast Judas as the guilty party – the one who causes it all to start.  That’s satisfying isn’t it.  Yet it removes us from any participation.  We’re no longer the ones crying out Crucify him! Crucify him!  It was Judas’ fault.  We’re no longer the guilty ones along with the rest of humanity.  Only maybe that’s not totally the case.

If we look at the Gospel of John, we see in John 13:2 that it was the devil who had already put it into the heart of Judas to paradidomi Jesus.

For John, it starts with the devil and goes forward.

Except, death and sin and the devil don’t get the last laugh.

In John 19:30 Jesus received the wine and said, “It is finished.” Then he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.  Or at least that’s what most English translations have.  Yet, that’s not exactly it.

First, Jesus doesn’t say “It is finished.”  That’s an active present statement.  It means it is done and complete.  That’s it.  Game over.  The Greek word here is τετελεσται (pronounced tetelestai) which is a perfect passive word.  A better translation is “It has been accomplished.”  What’s the difference?  Significant.  The perfect passive voice in scripture is often considered the Divine passive.  Which means that it is God’s action that is happening.  And furthermore, the perfect passive indicates that something isn’t just done – but the effects of what happened carry on into the future.  It’s not just a one time event that is done and complete.  It’s an event that is done, but still has an effect today and into the future.

And how about when Jesus gives up his spirit.  Again, that’s not exactly what it says.  The Greek says – παρέδωκεν τὸ πνεῦμα.  παρέδωκεν is a form of παραδιδομι which I’m translating as “hand over”.  τὸ is the definite article, in simple English, this means “the”.  And finally πνεῦμα means Spirit.  There is no possessive in the statement.  It’s just not there.  Instead, when we translate the Greek, it should say “He handed over the Spirit.”

Satan is the one who starts the process of handing over Jesus.  But it is God who has the last laugh.  Jesus hands over the Spirit to continue to work of God in the world.  God hasn’t been defeated in Jesus’ death.  Rather, Jesus overcomes sin and death and hands over the Spirit to continue his work in the world.  Holy week isn’t just about Jesus dying and being resurrected (although that is powerful in its own right).  It’s also the handing over of the Spirit to continue the work of God in the world.

There isn’t a betrayal.  There is a handing over that carries on through many actors who just don’t know what to do with Jesus.  And in the end we have Jesus, God self-emptied  who hands over the Spirit.  That’s powerful.

On this Wednesday of Holy Week, as we prepare to enter into the holy three days, let us take a breath and remember.  Let us let go of our need to scapegoat.  Let God wash over us and hand over the Spirit to us to work through us for God’s glory.

 

Ash Wednesday

01 Wednesday Mar 2017

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“Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return.” Those are the words that are spoken at churches across the world today as Christians celebrate Ash Wednesday.

Ash Wednesday is a day many people don’t like.  They don’t like getting ashes on their forehead.  They don’t like going to an extra church service.  They don’t like not feeling happy (or rather that the focus isn’t on seeking happiness – most people aren’t happy already).

Yet, Ash Wednesday is different – it’s counter-cultural.  We have ashes put on our forehead – a reminder and a sign and a symbol for all to see.  A sign of our own mortality and how messy life really is.  And it’s out there for all the world to see – no hiding it.

Ash Wednesday is a day we are confronted with our own fear – fear of death.  And there is no escape, just like there is no escape from death.

The only other time we have to face this directly is when we go to a funeral.  And even then, our culture is shifting this so we don’t have to deal with it directly.  We have celebrations of life, remembrances of the person.  We move to memorial services out of choice so that there is no body right there in front of us.  But the reality is that the person we honor and celebrate is dead.  And at some point, we will be too.

We fear being forgotten to history, like 99.999999% of everyone who ever lived.

Most people will personally know the two generations that came before them and will know the two generations that come after them.  Sometimes we’ll be lucky and know the third or fourth generation either before or after us.

But beyond that, the people are just figures of the past, or imagination of the future.  We also have been imagination of the future.  We will be figures of the past in due time.

Tonight we are confronted with death.  We don’t like to talk about death and our own mortality.  Yet, we glorify it in our entertainment in unrealistic ways – maybe to further separate ourselves from it by making it ridiculous and outlandish.  We try to put it away from our thoughts in reality though.  But again, Ash Wednesday is a reminder – a reminder that is literally in our face, that we will all experience death.  But death does not have the final say.  It is not the end of the story.  Jesus has conquered death and sin.  As he was raised, so shall we.

Today we are reminded of our mortality.  But we are also reminded that we are marked as Children of God.  And that mark is in our face – literally.  There is no hiding it.  And from here, we are called to live out this mark in our world.  A world that fears death and being forgotten.  We go into the world with a message of hope and a promise of life.  We are called to share this with those around us.  To live differently.  To do things and be people who break away from the dichotomies of this world – where power shifts from one bad option to the other.  Instead, we are called to die to self, with ashes, and to live for new life, in a new kingdom.

What do you do when Jesus says to love your enemies?

20 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by in Church, Humanity, Sermon Prep, Society, Theology

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What do you do when Jesus says to love your enemies?  Here’s what I preached yesterday:

‘You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy.” But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…

This is not an easy passage of Scripture.  It’s not easy to read and it’s certainly not easy to preach about.  Especially in light of all the things that go on in the world around us.

I’m going to make you uncomfortable here.  I want you to think about someone who you could classify as your enemy.  You know, someone you really don’t like.  Maybe that guy that cut you off in traffic.  Or worse – someone who has hurt you, shamed you, or wronged you in some way.  Get their face in your head.

Now let me ask you – what do they deserve?  What should happen to them?  If it’s that guy who cut you off in traffic, does he deserve a one finger salute?  Of a few choice words?  Or at least a honking of the horn?  You’d be justified wouldn’t you?

How about someone who has hurt you?  Or wronged you?  What do they deserve?  I bet your imagination can go wild with that one.

Let’s get a bit a more controversial.  Who are our national enemies?  I guess it depends on what time period you ask about.  The British were our enemies early on.  What about today?  Iran, North Korea.  Does Russia fit into that category?  Here’s one that definitely fits – ISIS.  They have stated that they want to kill us.  That classifies as an enemy, doesn’t it.

But what this passage of Scripture where Jesus tells us to love our enemies?  What do we do with that?  If we are followers of Christ, we can’t just ignore it, or push it aside because we don’t like it.  We have to deal with it.  So what do we do with it?

The passage sounds crazy doesn’t it?  It sound like Jesus doesn’t understand the world at all.  Yet I think Jesus understands the world very well.  He’s someone who grew up in a country that was occupied by the Roman empire, whose people had been in exile in Babylon, conquered by Persia and Assyria, and were slaves in Egypt.  He knows the history.

Most of human history has been the story of humanity killing each other.  If this isn’t the definition of insanity, I don’t what is.  And yet we claim that Jesus saying something different of how we should relate is crazy.

Here’s some more bad news.  Sin is more than just the things that we do – it goes deeper than that.  Sin is a broken relationship – a broken relationship with God.  And because of sin, we are enemies of God.  That sounds pretty harsh doesn’t it?  What do we deserve?  The wages of sin are death.  Damnation.  That doesn’t sound so good does it.

Yet, here’s the good news – there’s this thing called Grace.  I heard a wonderful definition of grace this week that fits perfectly with this whole discussion.  Grace is not getting what you deserve.  Rather Grace is getting what you don’t deserve.  Let that sink in for a moment.

Because of Grace, we don’t get what we deserve – eternal death and damnation.  Because of Grace, we get what we don’t deserve – God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness.  We are sealed by the Holy Spirit in baptism.  We receive God’s Good News in the Word.  We receive Jesus in the palm of our hands each week, and consume him into our lives.  We get what we don’t deserve.

And in our Gospel lesson today, what we hear is Jesus telling us that because we receive grace – not getting what we deserve and getting what we don’t deserve – Jesus is calling on us to go and treat others in this same manner.  Even those who are our enemies.  Even those who would kill us.

‘You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy.” But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…

Amen.

Jurgen Moltmann Quote

27 Monday Jun 2016

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This week I’m on vacation, so no travel posts, no unloading what’s going on in my mind.  No a real vacation.  In fact, I’ll be somewhere where there is no wifi.  Which means I’ve planned ahead and scheduled a week of just some simple quotes for you to ponder.  Enjoy them.  I’ll be enjoying my time off.  I’ll be back to regular travel posts and theology/politics/whatever else is on my mind posts on Tuesday, July 5th.

Here’s today’s quote:

Jurgen Moltmann:

Where Jesus is, there is life.  There is abundant life, vigorous life, loved life and external life.  There is life-before-death.  I find it deeply disturbing and unsettling whenever I think about how we have become accustomed to death – to death of the soul, to death on the street, to death through violence – to death-before-life.

From The passion for life: a messianic lifestyle, 1977.

Lamentation and Hope

10 Tuesday May 2016

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Last night as I was waiting to pick up my daughter from soccer practice, I scanned through the radio stations and landed on a “Christian” station.  The preacher on the air was talking about “the LGBT question.”  He made an argument that weaved the Constitution and the Bible together very intimately and then made the following statement:  “LGBT people have no standing before the law.  They need to sit down and shut up.”

I sat in disbelief and horror of what I just heard.  Did he really just say that…out loud…on the radio for all to hear?  Did I hear that right?  Where is the Gospel in that message?  No where.

Are we going to rule and be ruled by anger?  Will the angry mob be in charge?

Anger is deadly.   It does not produce life, but rather bitterness, dissension, scapegoating, threats, ruin of careers, relationships, lives.  Anger is a flame that is uncontrollable and that burns anything in its path – both friend or foe.

Anger is irrational, not open to debate, or conversation or listening in anyway.  Anger is all consuming and demands compliance.  Anger will do anything to bring all within its deadly grasp.

The opposite of anger is calm, ease, joy, love, peace, contentment.  These things can not live in the same place with anger.  They are much like light and darkness.  The difference between them is so very clear – with anger, a person is like a violent sea, being thrown to and fro at the will of the waves – reacting to every little thing – a victim.  Love, joy, peace and calmness are a calm sea – where a person no longer reacts, but can respond.  When they respond, it is not out of necessity, but out of love.

Anger leads to blood being shed – the blood of the one labeled as the cause of the anger – regardless of the truth.  The scapegoat.

Anger leads to death – death of conversation, death of relationships, death of trust, death of people.

Why, oh why, must we traverse this road?  Why do we choose a path that is so jagged and littered with victims of those who have gone this way before – a path of anger.  Why do we choose such a path so well traveled throughout history?  Do we follow this path because it is the common path – the wide road that has been heavily traveled and so we just follow it because there have been so many who have traveled it so many times before.  Do we think that the road will be different?

Or is it something else – maybe we travel it because we know exactly where it goes.  We travel it because we feel that because we know, we are in control.  Anger is as old as the first sin – the desire to be like God.  And when we woke up to the truth that we are not God, we grew angry.  Angry that we were lied too, angry that the lie wasn’t true, angry that someone else bought into the lie, angry that there were consequences for our decision, angry that we were not in control.

Why do we not learn from the past?  Why do men and women willingly carry your heavy burden, oh Anger.  Why?  Why do we think we can master you when history has shown that we become your slaves?  Why?

Why do we willingly reject peace, love, calm, and hope?  Why do we always only give these ways such a short leash that whenever there is a sign of challenge, we rip ourselves away from them to go back to our habits which lead to death?

Why do people not see the predictable fate that you, oh Anger, lead to?  Why?

Why do people who serve you not see what they become under your tutelage?

What are we to do, oh Lord of peace?  Are we to fight anger?  Or in fighting, do we become angry and become that which is not us.

Or instead, do you call us to something completely different?  That regardless of what others may do, do you call us to live a way of peace, love, hope, and calm.  Do you call us to live these out, not waiting for the perfect time and scenario because right now is the perfect time to live these out.  The perfect time to live the way of peace, love, hope and calm is in the midst of the fury of anger.  To be a light in a world lost in darkness.  To be the calm, small, still voice that calms the waters of the turbulent seas of anger.

You call us, Lord, to be your hands and feet in service to our neighbors and our world.  You also call us to be a message of peace, hope, love and calmness through your word and through our lives.

You don’t call us to the well-worn path, but rather to the path less traveled.  It is not an easy path.  You know the anxiety we feel in the center of our very being.  You have equipped us to carry on, not in order to earn anything, but to be your light in this dark world.  Help us to be that light always and if we have to, to use words – give us those words when the time is right.  We don’t know what is along this path, but we know where the less traveled path leads – it leads to a city, the New Jerusalem, where the water and the tree of life flow from its very center to nourish and replenish and restore all of creation.  It is a city where there will be no more tears of sorrow.  Death will be no more.  Mourning and crying and pain and anger will be no more.  For they will have passed away.   All that is left is you.

Struggling with Death

18 Monday Apr 2016

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One of the more interesting observations that I’ve had over the last year is how different people deal with death.  Having been involved in numerous funerals over the past 8 months as part of my seminary training, I’ve gotten to witness some truly sacred moments and to see how different people deal with death.

Observation #1 – People deal with death in their own way and time.  There is no right or wrong way to deal with death.  While there may be stages that people go through, even the order of the stages will vary with each person.

Observation #2 – We don’t really know what to say or do.  And that’s ok too.  We want to express our sympathy for people who have lost a loved one, but we just don’t have the right words to do that so often.

Observation #3 – People are really uncomfortable with death.  To the point that we don’t like to talk about it or even name it.  We use words like “fell asleep” or “passed away.”  I wonder how much of that has to do with fear of our own death.

Here’s what I’ve learned from these experiences – Fewer words are better.  Trying to make the person feel better is actually worse. They don’t feel good – they are hurting.  Just be there with that person.  If you have to say anything, tell them how sorry you are for their loss and that death sucks.  Tell them they don’t have to apologize for the way they grieve.  In other words, journey to where they are, don’t try to bring them to where you are.

Death is not easy.  It’s one of those things that we will experience throughout our lives, yet we will struggle with each time we encounter it.