Tag Archives: family

Lisa and Phoenix

06 Monday Aug 2018

Posted by in Humanity, Society, Theology

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I met Lisa a few months ago.  She, her husband Wes, their son Phoenix, and their dog bear were passing through the area and stopped at the church to seek some assistance for one night – a place to sleep.

They told me the story of how they were from Maine and had traveled to West Virginia so that Wes could start a job there.  They packed up all their stuff into their van and headed down.  They had a place to stay waiting for them.  Turns out the job fell through when they got there.  So they turned around and started to head home, stopping in Carlisle for the night.  They happened to find out church and sought out some help.  We put them up for the night in one of the local hotels and offered one of our handmade blankets to the family.  They were grateful and had expressed a good deal of their faith during my time with them telling me at one point that God provides for them always.

Fast forward to last week – I received an e-mail from Lisa telling me that she and Phoenix would be traveling through the area again.  Turns out that Wes had to finish out a parole sentence in a distant state from years ago and so it was just her and their son.  They were heading back to West Virginia to be with family who could help them out.  They would get housing in exchange for doing child care.

She still had Bear, their small dog who was friendly as ever.  I met up with them when they arrived and got them taken care of for the night.

I learned a few things from my encounters with Lisa.  First, no matter the situation, Lisa was always joy-filled.  She always has a smile on her face.  She doesn’t have much, but what she has she is grateful for.  Second, Lisa has great trust in God.  God always provides is what I heard Wes say.  And here was God providing for this family again – this time through the church.

I couldn’t help but think of Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus traveling when I encountered Lisa, Wes, and Phoenix.  This time it felt more like Mary going to visit Elizabeth.  Different circumstances of course, but the idea was there.

God shows us in mysterious ways.  God invites us to participate in the unfolding of the kingdom too.  God had invited me to participate in the unfolding through Lisa and Phoenix and Bear.

We have no idea how many people there are who are in similar situations.  It’s easy to turn a blind eye to things like this.  But that’s not what we are called to.  Instead, we are called to answer the e-mail that is sent to us, to answer the door when the bell is run, to answer the phone when there is a call, to answer.

My prayers remain with Lisa, Phoenix, and Bear – as well as with Wes.  I pray that they are reunited sooner rather than later and are able to get back on their feet.

Sometimes I wonder if we have this preconceived idea of what participating in the unfolding of the kingdom of God is like – what it looks like.  I wonder if we think it’s all nice and neat and organized.  But then I get an invitation to participate in the unfolding of God’s kingdom.  And it comes at the door right when I’m getting ready to leave for the day.  Or in a text.  Or at the Flying J truck stop.  Or at Dinner with Friends community meal.  Or in the elevator of the hospital.  Or in the parking lot as I’m getting into my car.  The invitation comes at random times – usually when I least expect it.  And that’s probably a good thing.  When it happens, I have moments to either accept the invitation or reject it.  It seems that in the spur of the moment, I’m more likely to accept the invitation.  God has different plans than what I’ve come up with.

And sometimes those plans come in multiple parts, with the knock on a door and an e-mail follow-up separated by several months.

Be ready.  You don’t know when God will send your invitation.

“It feels like family”

25 Monday Jun 2018

Posted by in Church, Theology

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Last week a small group of folks from our church went over to do ministry at Flying J with the poor and homeless who reside in the parking lot and nearby.

We’ve been doing this for several months now.  We make sure people get showers, laundry, and get a meal.  It’s not complicated and sometimes it doesn’t feel like we are doing much given the challenges that people face.  But it’s something – one of the few things that we can do.

And it has been a learning experience for us too.  We’ve shifted from a focus on making sure people have the material things they need, to the relationships.  We actually care about these people.  We know their names and they know us.  We hear their stories.  We catch up if we haven’t seen them in a while and find out what they have been up to.

This is a diverse group – young, old, middle-age, families, single, white, black, men and women.  You name it.

My favorite time is when we go over for the meal at Denny’s.  Everyone is welcome to come.  This past time a trucker who was passing through the area joined in our meal and the conversations.  He shared pictures of mountains in California from some of his trips.

One of the most moving statements I have heard during our time of ministry was uttered by one of our African-American guests.  It took a few times for her to warm up to us over the last month or two.  But this time, she was right in the mix.  We had built trust with her and she with us.  She knew we actually cared about her, not what she had done.  She was attempting to draw in another gentlemen into the conversation at the table at Denny’s.  At one point she said “This is great.  It feels like family.”

Wow.  That statement made my heart leap for joy.

This is what ministry is really about.  It’s not about doing stuff for other people, or getting people a bunch of stuff.  Those are important, but not the most important thing.  Rather, it is building relationships with people so that you and they become family.  This is what it means to be children of God, to dwell in the kingdom.  To be a part of God’s family.

 

 

 

The church is like…

27 Wednesday Sep 2017

Posted by in Church, Theology

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How would you answer the question – The church is like…?  I’ve heard a variety of answers for this question.  I think the answers reveal a great deal about the person and the church they are a part of.

There’s two answers that I want to highlight though today.

The church is like a family.  The church is like a community.

These sound the same, but I argue that they are two different answers that convey two different sets of ideas.  Neither one is better than the other.  But the answer to the question has consequences.

If the answer is that the church is like a family, then here are some things to consider – how big is a family?  Usually smaller than other groups of people.  Is it easy to become part of a family?  Not really – you usually have to either be born into a family or marry into one.  A family also has some very positive things – strong relationships, sticking together through thick and thin, coming through for one another in a time of crisis.

If the answer is that the church is like a community, then consider some things.  How big is a community? If depends.  It could be small or large.  In a community, it is relatively easier to join in, but also to leave.  Some strengths of community is that a community is typically made up of many different families – but it is where people come together for a common purpose.  And the amazing thing is that they come together willingly.

There are positives and negatives to both of these answers.  Which is why the right answer is probably that the church is both a family and community.  Sometimes a church leans in on its family nature more than its community nature. And other times it sways the other way.  The challenge is for the church to take the positives from both and weave them together to carry out the mission of the church.

8 things every parent should do before 8 AM

25 Tuesday Apr 2017

Posted by in Family, Humor

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I bet you are a parent who is looking at the title of this article and either thinking that you might pick up some great ideas, or more likely, that you are parent who is going to read some list of absolutely ridiculous ideas that there is no way any of them are going to happen.

Recently I read a list like this – it wasn’t designed for parents.  It was targeted to people who are either single or have no children.  No offense to the author, but seriously, the title should have been more specific than addressed to “every person.”  What parent has 30 minutes to meditate in the morning?!?

So in honor of dumb lists that have ridiculous to-do’s on them, I’m coming up with my own list of eight things every parent should do before 8 AM.  These are not some nice theoretical ideas.  This comes from having four children who get ready for the school day in two shifts (middle school and then elementary school).

  1. Hit snooze once.  You deserve to take a breath before getting into full parent mode.  The craziness will start soon enough, enjoy the last 5-10 minutes of calm while you can.  This may be the only thing that gets you through the morning.
  2. Stretch.  No, I’m not talking about some kind of exercise routine.  I’m talking about when your feet hit the floor stretch your arms out and over your head and give a big yawn.  You’ll feel better.  Trust me on this.
  3. Go pee.  The chances of getting another opportunity to use the bathroom when your kids are getting ready for school are pretty much non-existent, so get in the bathroom when you can.
  4. When you go get your kids up or make sure they are up, sing to them.  I’m not talking about a nice wake up song.  I’m talking about some really annoying song – it’s the only way to get them moving quickly in the morning.  It’s either that or you’re going to repeat yourself a million times telling them to get up.  The song sounds better already doesn’t it?
  5. Remind your children that the bus is coming soon (about 10,934,248 times)  They have a really short memory in the morning and have a tendency to forget why they are up so early.  If you don’t, they will wander aimlessly, or play with the dog, or get on a screen.  Just remember, each time you remind them they will think this is the first time they are hearing it.  Think of this like the movie “50 First Dates” where the actress forgets everything that happened the day before and has to relearn everything.  If you think of your children this way, you won’t be as frustrated and you might even come up with innovative ways to remind them.  (Songs work great here too.)
  6. Try different sales pitches on why your kids should buy lunch that day instead of having to pack their lunch.  Believe me, if you can convince a kid to buy the school lunch, you can take on anything that day.
  7. Quote a movie.  You’re bound to get some crazy questions like “Where are my pants?” What better way to deal with this than to quote The Lego Movie – “Honey where are my pants?  Ha,Ha,Ha.”  Believe me, you’ll laugh and so will your kids.  The other option is to lose it by telling them they are either in their drawers where they belong or in the laundry or lying on the floor of their room.  Laughter is so much better.
  8. Tell your kids you love them to pieces.  Seriously, there is no substitute for this.

There you have it, the eight essential things every parent should do before 8 AM.  No, these things won’t get you a promotion, give you some great million dollar idea, put you on the pathway to success and happiness, or any other BS that these dumb lists promise or promote.  But they will give you the opportunity to sanely get through the morning before you go to work and have to work with adults (some who haven’t really grown up yet).  Maybe you can find some list showing the 12 things every worker should do before 12 noon at work.  I’m sure the ideas will be just dandy.

Goals for 2017

03 Tuesday Jan 2017

Posted by in Blog, Family, Health, Seminary

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We’re three days into the new year.  It’s time to declare my goals for the year.  Only, this year is a bit different.  I have goals, but the goals a bit different.  They are more like themes that will guide me.  Or maybe it’s the idea of setting up systems that will help me accomplish what I am setting out to accomplish.  To keep it simple, I’ll keep calling them goals.

I actually took some time over Christmas break and mapped out these goals through 2022.  Let’s get real for a moment.  Do I expect everything to go according to plan?  Of course not.  In fact I expect that there will be changes along the way.  Graduating in May and then being ordained, and starting ministry will definitely bring some changes – changes I can’t even foresee.  But that doesn’t mean I just sit around and wait.  Instead, I can try some things out, see how they work, and determine if they are something I will continue with.

So, here’s my goals, or themes, or systems, or whatever you want to call them for 2017:

Health – Run two half marathons in 2017.  I feel as though all of my injuries from 2016 have finally healed up.  I’ve been to the Y two days in a row, doing different workouts – running, cycling, lifting some weights.  I’ll be getting back to outdoor running soon.  The system here is that I created a schedule for myself, with what I’ll be doing each day.  Part of this is also eating healthier as well.  I want to weigh 165 lbs – which means as of yesterday, I will drop 14 pounds.  I’d really like to drop a pound a week, which means I eat considerably less and healthier.  I started this yesterday and already feel healthier.  I’m glad the holidays are over for one simple fact – better eating is easier now.

Career/calling – graduate in May and be ordained.  My last semester of seminary starts soon.  I’ve heard from the registrar that as long as I pass the classes I have signed up for, I will graduate in May.  After graduation – then it’s ordination.  I’m looking forward to seeing where God will be putting me to work.

Family – several things here.  Take a trip with the family for up to two weeks after graduation.  We’re looking at a few options of where this might be and I’m really excited about the possibilities.  I also want to play more games with them and spend open time with each one and as a group with nothing at all planned – just being present with them.  Also, I’m committed to cooking a nice meal once a week – my hope is that I find enough recipes that are unique and that I learn some things from this.

Writing – yes, writing gets it’s own section.  There’s a lot of things I want to write about.  I’ve actually created a schedule for writing.  This may be over the top, but I’ve got five different ideas that I want to write about.  Here’s the thing – I don’t expect that I’ll be writing about all five by the end of the year.  I do expect that I’ll be writing about three of them.  I’m not sure what they will lead to, and frankly, I don’t care.  I just want to write about these ideas.  The topics include church, politics, and prayer.  Also, I’ve been doing a bunch of social media stuff (twitter, blog, etc) that are all very focused.  I want to determine what I’m keeping and what I’m shedding and then some direction of where it might be taking me.  In other words, narrow in on a focus for this – probably in line with the topics I will be writing about.

That’s enough to focus on for the year.  What are your goals for 2017?

Review of 2016

29 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by in Blog, Family, Running

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So, I’m doing this a couple of days early, but better early than never.

2016 was a pretty good year for me.  Lots happened and if you follow this blog regularly, you’ve seen and heard about them over the course of the year.  As for this blog, this year was a big year – more visitors and views of the blog than the previous two years.  I also had my most read blog post ever this year – soon after the 2016 presidential election – almost 600 reads on a blog post I did arguing that pastors ought to be non-partisan.

2016 also brought about some great travel experiences for our family, finishing up my internship year, starting my last year of seminary, and being approved for ordination.  That’s the quick highlights.

Here’s how I did with my goals for 2016:

Running – complete two half marathons in 2016.  Failed.

Running – I will run 1000 miles this year.  Failed.

I failed because this was a terrible year for me physically.  I turned 40, which means that my body literally fell apart.  I suffered a pulled hamstring at the end of January.  It started to heal and a month later I pulled it again.  It was nasty and gross with internal bleeding and my using crutches for about 3 weeks.  It took many months of recovery and when I got back into running, left foot decided it was time to speak up – I had plantar fasciitis on my left heel.  It was painful and kept me from running even longer.  When I finally was healthy enough this year, it was November.  I ran a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving – a 5k and did well.  I was proud of my son who beat me by a couple of minutes too.  Maybe another runner in the family?  We’ll see.

Travel – I want to do some trips with the family.  Success.

Success here.  We didn’t have any international trips planned – wouldn’t have worked in our schedule anyway.  But we did take a trip to Pittsburgh, and we explored around Altoona, PA  – where we were serving out my internship year.  I was also able to go to NYC with my family and the youth group for a church trip.  I also went to Atlanta for the Festival of Homiletics – which included a few side trips.  In June our family did a family vacation to Raystown Lake for a week – lots of fun.  I was also able to spend a couple of days down in Baltimore with my supervisor and a mutual friend for a relaxing time.

Career/Calling – Get approved.  Success.

Not much more to add here.  I was greatly relieved and also excited to be approved for ordination.  Seminary is almost done!

Writing – Write a book on the challenges the church faces/things I’ve learned from my time in Finland.  Failed.

I didn’t succeed in this venture.  However, I have written a ton over the course of the year.  The form of the book has changed over the year.  And I’m not giving up on this goal yet. I actually have a few writing goals for 2017.

Financial – Have only student loan debt and a mortgage. Success.

I have no credit card debt, no car loans, no other types of debt.  Plenty of student loan debt and a mortgage, but hey, it’s a start – a big start.

Blogging – Keep writing a travel post and a post on theology/politics/current events each weekday.  Mostly a success.

I wrote 394 posts this year.  (I have a couple more through Saturday, including this one).  I didn’t post every single weekday though.  But many days I had multiple posts in a day.  I wrote travel posts very consistently and posts on theology, politics, and other random things pretty consistently too.

Family – I want to teach my children how to play six new games this year. ????

I honestly don’t know if I succeeded in this goal.  We played a ton of games over the course of the year, so I’m guessing that this was a success.

Overall, 2016 was a good year.  I’m looking forward to 2017.  I’ll have new goals posted either on Monday or Tuesday next week (after the kids go back to school).  Happy New Year!

We’re leaving – What’s Going Through My Mind

25 Thursday Jun 2015

Posted by in Blog, Family, Finland, Seminary, Travel

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Next week we leave Finland – the place we have come to call home for the last 11 months.  We came here to continue my studies, thanks to an exchange program between Gettysburg Seminary and the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Finland. I was also very interested in learning more about the church here – especially about the decline of the membership and what’s being done about it.  We came to travel and see parts of Europe.  We came to live in a different culture with a different language.

We did all of these things and so much more.  And, as if often the case, things turned out differently than our expectations – but on the whole, far better than we could have ever imagined.  For one thing, we fell in love with Finland.  There’s just so much to love about Finland, it’s hard to even make a list and frankly, making a list doesn’t do the country justice.

We grew closer as a family.  This came out of necessity as we often had to rely on each other for so many things.

Now we are just about at the end of our time here in Finland – less than a week remains.  We have mixed emotions.  We are sad to leave the friends we have made.  I can’t lie and tell you I was excited to buy the return tickets to the US.  It was hard to do.  But…

But new adventures await us – which is exciting.  It’s my internship year – which means I’ve been assigned to a congregation to learn the practical side of being a pastor.

We know that if we can pack up our house, put it in storage, move to a different continent and live there for 11 months, we can do anything.  Plus, we’ve learned something else about ourselves – we look for the good in everything we do.  We already know that we’re going to love where we are headed next – not because we have been there, or because of anything we’ve seen, but rather because, that’s just who we are.  It certainly helps that the people we’ll be working with are excited to have us. And that God is calling us there – which means God’s got our back.  And as much as I love to read, I also love to do something practical and internship is an excellent pastoral shaping experience.

Next week we head to Iceland for a few days of rest and adventure on our journey back to the US, then we arrive in the US on the 4th of July.  (I’m expecting fireworks for our return, Not) Next week I take a break from blogging as we make this transition.  It’s good to take a break every now and then.

I’m not sure what to expect when we go back to the US.  How has the country changed while we’ve been gone?  I’ve read headlines and news stories, but they don’t give the full sense of it.  I can’t say I’m super excited to go to a country that appears to be ripping itself apart with racial tension.  At least that the impression I get from what I read.  But I also know that this isn’t the whole story either.

How have we changed while we’ve been gone?  I won’t know until we reunite with friends who comment on something here and there that they notice about us.  I do know that we have changed.  It’s impossible not to.  A friend of ours who has lived overseas told me before we left that you develop a third culture when you live abroad. You have your first culture – the country you come from.  You gain a second culture – the country you go to.  And you develop a third culture – something of a mix of cultures that is purely unique because you are unique and you have changed.

How do we answer the question – “So how was your time over there?” I don’t have a good answer for this.  Are people really looking for an answer or a nice one-line sentence?  How do you condense the last 11 months into one phrase?  I can’t and I doubt anyone wants to sit for hours on end to listen to everything we’ve learned and experienced. I think the best answer I have is “It was life changing.” It’s the most honest answer I can think of.

The next month and a half will feel like a hurricane.  And the time will go by fast, I’m sure.  We’re taking it one day at a time.  That’s the only way we can right now.  It would be too overwhelming if I had to think through all the things that have to be done.  Today we are visiting Helsinki – maybe for the last time.  We’ll enjoy it and inside we’ll probably shed a tear.  It’s kind of like mourning a loss.  But we also know that the future is wide open.  God calls us to some amazing adventures in life.  I don’t know what the future holds, only God does.  I’ll keep my trust in God – that always turns out to be the best.

One more post tomorrow, then a week off.  Then we’ll see how the jet lag is affecting me.  I’ll start posting again in July.  God Bless.

Kids in Church

31 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by in Church

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Being a seminarian and having a family with four children makes our family stick out usually.  “My, that’s a big family these days,” is a typical expression. I don’t know if it’s a compliment or some kind of slight that is supposed to imply something. I usually just agree with the person offering it and move on.

Our family goes to church most Sundays.  There are some exceptions from time to time, but generally you can find us at church at some point on the weekend.  It really just depends on when the service is offered.  And being overseas can complicate the matter a little.  We try to find a service in English so the kids won’t feel too lost.

Having our kids in church is important to us.  They don’t always want to go, but they do come along and sometimes actually enjoy it.

I know I’m not the only one who takes their children to church – this is not something novel.  Elizabeth Rowlings wrote a great article on getting kids to willingly come to church.

Here are my own insights into getting kids to church from a different perspective – a future pastor’s perspective.  Here’s what I want to do as a future pastor to encourage families with children and make sure they feel welcome in attending church.

1. A seminary professor once told a class I was in that architecture trumps theology every time.  So true.  When it comes to children that means we have to think about how to be creative with the spaces we have in church.  I have seen many churches do this effectively and I think they do a great job.

Here’s one example from a Kallio kirkko, in Helsinki, Finland:Kallio Kirkko, HelsinkiAcross the Atlantic in the US, I can highlight my home congregation, Zion Lutheran in Etters, PA, USA.  Our pastor had the first pew removed and made a young kids-friendly space.  Talk about making it obvious that families are welcome!

2. Kids involved in worship.  Not just on youth Sunday either.  If we want to send the message that children are important, then what better way to do that than through actions – like involving children in worship as often as possible.

3. Spending time with children – This doesn’t mean I will be teaching every Sunday School class there is – but I can make a time investment in other ways.

4. Speaking of Sunday School, maybe its time to rethink how Christian education happens.

5. Sacramental stuff – I have no theological problem with having children receive communion.  Whoever came up with idea that you had to fully understand what was going on in order to receive communion had a nice idea, but really – do we honestly think that most adults fully understand what’s happening in the Eucharist?

6. Confirmation – I’ve seen too many Confirmation programs that just seem physically painful for everyone involved – students, the pastor, parents, etc.  Like Sunday School, maybe it’s time to rethink how this happens and when.

So, now that I have that wonderful list, here’s the other part of the list that is important – the consequences.

1. People have to be willing to have noise in church.  If you are going to children, then there is going to be noise.  There is no way around that.  And if there is going to be children in church, there is going to be plenty of movement around the church.  Little ones will wander, adults will chase.  Other children will be lying around, playing, etc.  I saw one church deal with this effectively – Verkosto – it’s a blend of Lutheran and Pentecostal services in Helsinki.  The church wants children in the service and no one has any issue with the lively and noisy nature of that decision.

2. People have to be willing to have imperfection in worship.  Children don’t have nearly as much experience at doing things as adults.  They make mistakes.  Guess what, so do adults – it’s just that adults think that mistakes are not allowed in worship.  As if we are supposed to hide our humanness from God or something.  When children are involved in worship, stuff is going to happen and that’s ok.  And it’s ok for adults too.

3. It’s not all about the children.  The idea is not to focus on one group of people – i.e. children.  The idea is to welcome all to come to worship.  Typically children get the shaft on this in too many churches.  If we take a little time to see how children can be welcome, then maybe we’ll also think about how we welcome the stranger, the visitor, the elderly, the divorced, the outcast, etc.  There are a great many people out there.

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A Beautiful Spring Day

12 Saturday Apr 2014

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Image On days like today, isn’t everything just water under the bridge?  It was just so perfect today, that there was nothing that could spoil the day.  And so when I got up, I went on a bike ride.  A nice long 14 mile bike ride on my favorite trail.

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Then it was time for soccer for one of our children.

After that, we had time and went to a state park to enjoy nature.  I couldn’t ask for a better day.  It’s amazing what, or rather who, you can find when you stop to look.

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And some wonders never cease to amaze, like this tree.  I’m left wondering what its story is.  How did grow like this?

ImageAll in all, a perfect beautiful spring day.  It just doesn’t get better than this.

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Thank God They are Cute

29 Saturday Mar 2014

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Children can be exhausting.  I know this first hand, since we have four children.  Yes, that’s right, four.  There are times when you just get worn down, get tired of the fighting, get tired of being pissed off (yes, kids are wicked smart and know which buttons to push).  Yes, there are times.  They can be tough sometimes.

But…

But, all it takes is those few times when things works out great.  When the kids are playing together so nicely.  When they are asleep and look so peaceful.  There are times when your daughter asks you teach her how to put together a power point about FInland to show the other kids where we will be going.  There are times when the other daughter asks you to lay down next to her as she drifts off to sleep – even after all the fighting.  There are times when your sons ask you to read a bedtime story and they sit close to you to watch and look at the pictures.  There are times when we do our bedtime prayer routine that one of the boys thanks God for us going to Finland.  These are precious moments.

These are the times that I hold onto.  These are the times that wipe away any anger or frustration.  These are the times that make it all worth while.  Small moments of joy.  They may not last long, but they are moments that are worth so much more than the other moments when I feel like my head will explode.  Thankfully, the other moments don’t last.  The good moments stay with me.