Tag Archives: talking

What have we learned America? Answer: nothing.

10 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Politics, Society

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

What have we learned America?

I think the answer is quite simple.  Nothing.  We are exposed to the same questions, the same problems, the same conflicts ever four years.  Yet we have failed to either recognize them or refuse to answer them.  We are more concerned with being right rather than with things that are much deeper and far more important.

I see this in the immediate responses.  There are some who take on a mild tone, call for unity, and let’s give the guy a chance.  It’s a reasonable response.  Maybe more reasonable than what is deserved.  Much more reasoned than what our culture and history typically respond with.

Then there is the #notmypresident response.  That’s been the response of many Democrats because their candidate didn’t win.  Yet, I imagine these are the same people who were upset when they heard people make the same statement eight years ago when Barrack Obama won the presidency.  Remember Rush Limbaugh famously stating that he “hoped Obama would fail.”  You’ve become Rush Limbaugh.  I hope that’s painful to hear.  “Oh, but this is different!”  Is it?  I can tell you that there were people then who thought the country was coming to an end because Obama was elected.  Remember those days?  Eight years before that we had similar protests when Bush won.  Eight years before that we had similar protests when Clinton won.  You get the idea right?  We have short memories.

We have this idealized view of politics which isn’t helping anyone.  We hold up our institutions as somehow holy, as if the institutions are somehow divine and unchangeable and that it is the politicians who screw it all up.  I’ve got news for you – institutions are made up of people and they aren’t holy.  They change based on who is in power.  The institutions are just tools for those in power.  There is nothing holy about them.  We need to move away from this idealized dream world of politics and wake up to the reality of what it really is.

I don’t feel like I fit in America.  No, not because of this election.  It’s been going on for some time now for me.  I don’t identify with either the Republican or Democrat parties.  They are both seriously flawed.  They also both has some good ideas from time to time too.  Yet they and their supporters are so concerned with being right that they will kill the good ideas if the other party might, by some small chance, have an opportunity to look halfway decent.  Yes, that applies to both parties and their leaders.

If you want proof that I don’t identify with either party, here’s the way I voted:  I voted for two Republicans, one Democrat, a Libertarian, an Independent, and I wrote in three people for office at various positions.  I have friends, actual people I know and love dearly and hang out with, that voted for Clinton and other dear friends that I know and hang out with that voted for Trump.  They don’t know each other though.  I heard both sides of the arguments.  Both made sense and had good arguments and both were really flawed and looking through rose-colored glasses.

This problem that we have isn’t new.  It’s been going on a good long time.  I would argue it goes back to the founding of the country and the core of this problem is trust.  We don’t trust one another.  That’s why the American Revolution happened in the first place.  The founders didn’t trust the king and the king didn’t trust the colonists.  And so we had a war to see who was right.

Again, we take this idealized view about the founders – that they all got along and were happy and bi-partisan.  What Bullshit!  They didn’t get along once the war against Britain was over – they turned against each other.  That’s where the political parties came from.  And we’ve been fighting with each other ever since – convinced of our own rightness and how wrong and evil the other side is.  Every president, and I mean every president, has faced threats of impeachment.  That includes George Washington.  We just whitewash history to keep the past holy and make these men of the past into saints.  They weren’t.  Nor are we today.

Our very system of government is based on not trusting one another.  The founders didn’t trust each other, which is why they put up roadblocks to efficient government.  Gridlock was designed into the core of our system of government.  It’s supposed to be that way.  It makes sense that the founders would adopt a system in which everyone would be pissed off at each other so that no one would get everything they wanted and screw the other side over royally.  It’s not perfect, but I get the reason.

You want to change the country?  Then let’s start with changing some basic ideas about ourselves.  Let’s start with trust.  No, don’t wait to trust other people, especially those different from you, or those that you believe are your opponents and enemies.  Don’t wait to trust only when they start to trust you.  That will never happen.  You want to change things, then you have to take the first step.  And that means you are going to get screwed.  It’s a scary prospect isn’t it?  Are you willing to forego short term gains for long term commitment?

You have to be willing to step out, get slapped down, time and time again, and keep coming out telling everyone that you trust them and then acting on that.  Trust takes time and energy and investment.  It takes building relationships with those you would rather not under normal circumstances.  And trust can be lost so easily – all it takes is one screw up.  But trust entails being vulnerable. It entails being truthful.  It entails confession and forgiveness.  It entails embracing the unknown and admitting that we don’t have all the answers, but we are willing to listen and work together.  Trust is about doing things that takes others into account.  Trust is about finding the win-win solution, not the perfect solution.  Trust is about finding out what is common and building on that.  Without trust, any organization, any nation, any church is doomed to collapse and die.  And yes, trust takes both sides being willing at some point to do and be these things.  And you can’t just throw money or other materials at the problem either. Trust is intangible.

So what’s it going to be America?  Are we willing to take the risk and trust one another?  Or would we rather keep on doing what we are doing and going where we are heading?  I don’t know where trust takes us.  I have a pretty good idea of our current path  – and it doesn’t end well.

I pray that we are courageous enough to let down our guard, be vulnerable with one another, and start to examine who we are, what America means going forward, and how we can move towards a more perfect union.

Want to know how to start?  Find someone you disagree with and ask them to just talk with you about how they came to their conclusion of who they would vote for.  Don’t interrupt them.  Don’t argue with them or challenge their ideology.  Just listen.  You don’t have to agree.  Just keep you mouth shut.  And if you have to ask any questions – let them be questions that seek understanding, not questions that attack the other person or their beliefs.  Ideally you come away with an understanding of how they came to their conclusion and what they really value.  I’m willing to bet you probably won’t agree on their conclusion, but you’ll understand it and see how it makes sense.  I’m also willing to bet that their values and yours are more similar than you expected.

And when you are done, thank them for their time and for sharing what they believe with you.  And walk away with a smile and a handshake.  Don’t go on social media and rip them apart.  If you have to post something, post that you trusted someone, that you listened, and that you learned something new today.  Post that it was a difficult experience, but it made both people better and as a result made the nation just a little bit better.  And the best part – something like this doesn’t require any politician or government agency or policy.  It’s just two people getting together, taking a chance, and seeing where it goes.  That’s how we start America.  Don’t expect a major shift in the next four or eight years.  We’ve had broken trust for well over 200 years.  It takes time to reestablish trust.  But you have to start somewhere.

Busting the echo chamber might be the best thing that could ever happen

01 Monday Aug 2016

Posted by in Humanity, Politics, Society

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

6a00d8341c03bb53ef01310f278419970c-500wi

Recently I read on Facebook a feed commenting on the news article talking about the dropping of the case against the remaining police officers involved in Freddie Gray’s death.  There was a whole lot of talking and labeling and pointing out that it was the wrong decision, that the officers were still wrong, that they should be punished and fired at the very least.  That this is systemic racism because of the makeup of the court and jury.  There were lots of reasons listed why the judicial system failed.

Yet apparently there was not enough evidence to show that the officers did anything legally wrong.  Improper maybe, but no violation of the law.  And then there were those who cheered the result because, as they claimed, there was not the evidence the officers did anything wrong.  They talked about what the media reported was not the whole truth.  These folks comment that the media has stoked anger and has been partially responsible for the racial divide that is occurring.  And they claim that Mr. Gray was not as innocent as he has been portrayed.

In another case, I saw plenty of comments talking about the FBI investigation surrounding Hillary Clinton’s e-mails.  There was a whole lot of labeling and pointing out that it was the wrong decision, that the FBI director was wrong, that Hillary was being protected because she is a presidential candidate, that the Clintons are good at getting around the law, and that in a way, the Clintons have a systemic law abiding problem.  There were arguments stating that she should go to jail for risking the security of the nation.  Lots of reasons why the FBI failed.

Yet there was not enough evidence to show that she did anything legally wrong.  Improper and stupid maybe, but no violation of the law.  Supporters of hers claimed that other people in the same position have done the same thing without anyone raising a fuss.  Supporters of the decision talked about how this was all just a witch hunt and a political case – there was nothing there.  They talked about the fact that Clinton has been one of the most investigated people on the planet and has never been convicted of anything ever.

So I’m confused, am I supposed to be for fact finding, investigation, and the judicial process or against it?  Does it work, or is there some kind of systemic problem?

The same people who are upset over the result of the Freddie Gray case are happy about the result of the Clinton case.  Why?  Maybe I shouldn’t be linking the two.  Actually I’m not.  I could have easily picked some other random case that draws a great deal of attention.  Maybe I should have used two cases that involved just African-American males.  I don’t know.

The same people who are upset over the result of the Clinton case see no problem with the result of the Freddie Gray case.  Why?  How systemic is the problem – is it only related to race?

I’m not looking for specific answers for these two cases.  I’m asking a much broader question – why do we think we know more than the people who investigated and prosecuted the case?  Why do we think we are right, even though we spend very little time in the case?  Why do we think the people handling the case are wrong, given they have all the evidence in front of them.

Are we listening too much to our echo chambers which give us tweets, memes, rhetoric, and spin that fits our predetermined position on anything.  As if any of these cases or issues we face are nice and easy with nice easy solutions and one liners.  They aren’t.  I’m sorry if I just burst your bubble on this.  The world is not black and white.  These cases are not easy.  Anything involving human beings is never easy and never simple.

This is true for the challenges we face too.  I can’t wait for the presidential “debates” when they come.  Not.  Each candidate is expected to give an answer to a complex problem right?  Yeah, they are supposed to have the answer to how we fix Social Security…in a two-minute statement.  Seriously?  You can’t even begin to describe what the situation is, let alone start to even acknowledge the real challenges facing the system in an hour, yet these candidates are supposed to articulate solutions to complex problems in nice short sound bites.  Yet that’s the format.  Why?  Is it because we are too damn lazy to think about these issues?  Too busy to think about them?  Too busy worrying about what’s going to happen on our favorite mind-numbing TV show?  What, we can’t pay attention for more than two minutes?  Have we devolved that much?  Or is it because we’d rather be told what to think?  We’d rather be given the answer in a quick sound bite?

Or maybe we’d rather not acknowledge that we don’t know the answer.  That it’s complex and there is no easy solution.  That it’s going to take work and be costly and take years.  That it may mean we’ll have to turn the TV or computer off and start to talk face to face with people – even people who are labeled as our opponents or enemies.  That we would have to listen, not in order to prepare responses that convince our opponents how right we are and how wrong they are, but rather we listen in order to understand and gain new insight.

I took one of those silly quizzes online that would show me how conservative and liberal I am.  There were 10 questions.  I did it against my better judgement.  I hated ever single question.  Rather, I hated all the answers.  I did the best I could, but really, while I was answering the questions, I kept saying – “yeah, but that’s not it either.  It’s more complex than this.”  Every single one.  There were good points in all of the answers and there were problems with all of the answers.  The result, based on what I answered, showed that I was 50% conservative/50% liberal.  Which is about as good as I could expect.

I don’t have the answer to any of this.  Screw it – I have a piece of the answer.  And guess what – so do you.  And so does the person who you hate.  Be honest about that for a minute.  Let go of your desire to be right for a minute.  Let go of the rhetoric and spin and loyalties.  Let go of the tweets and memes and sound bites.  Why don’t we try something different?  Something which seems pretty difficult in our divided nation right now.  How about we try listening to each other?  One person speaks and the other listens.  And the person listening summarizes what they heard.  And then this person speaks and the other person listens and then they summarize what they heard.  Let’s start with that.  And maybe we could start with an easy topic – what the weather is for today.  Not a debate on climate change, just the weather.  Then we can move to dinner.  Let’s see if we can get through these topics before we get to the really complicated ones like race, politics, and religion.

We might learn something from this process.  We might learn that we don’t have all the answers.  We might learn that the issues we face are complex and we need to face them together.  We might learn that there are different ways to approach the same challenge and that there is no one right way to approach the challenge.  We might learn that many of us have the same overall goals.  We might learn how to live together.  We might learn to start to trust one another again.  We might actually start to change our culture and start to fix some of the challenges we face, and maybe in ways we never expected because we we’re open to new ideas.  We might learn that our opponents and enemies aren’t what we thought they were.

Then again maybe I’m the crazy one.  Maybe it’s just easier to pick sides and shout at each other.  Maybe it’s more beneficial to listen to our echo chambers and repeat the rhetoric rather than see that there are people involved.  Maybe.  We can just sit down with our arms crossed and be right, but not actually do anything.  Maybe we should just pack up our toys and go home.

If that’s what you choose, don’t be surprised if I ignore what you have to say.  We don’t have time for that BS.  I want to talk with the people who are open to discussion and new ideas.  I mean real discussion.  I am ready, are you?  Let’s talk about racial issues in our country – by talking about people, the challenges that are faced, perceptions, history, etc.  Let’s talk about politics – by talking about how people are affected by the policies, the actual challenges that people face, the realities of how policy is made, the reality of how power and the desire for power impact policy and government, etc.  Let’s talk about serious issues that we face.  Let’s talk and move forward.  Let’s explore.  Let’s try things.  Let’s have our differences and share how we come to our conclusions.  Let’s connect.  Let’s get moving.  Let’s do all of this so we make the world better for ourselves and our children and future generations.  And when we are done talking, let’s get to work.